an angry bird beats a mad cow unless you're a vegetarian

i met a lot of people on my trip to NYC and then back home again, in indiana.  i also met a fair amount of birds.  most of them were outside so i did my best to cause them no trouble.  but one bird,  the little guy to the right, made me just  a bit suspicious.    having police dogs at the station is one thing, there are posters and stuff.  under cover pigeons is a stretch, NYPD.

i am overwhelmingly content with my voyage as a whole.  i saw and learned a lot and liked parts of new york that going in, seemed intimidating.  mainly, the mere size of the city.  additionally, the subway.  i lucked out and got rides into the city most of the trip and didn’t have to transfer during my use of the system util i was headed back to penn station.
if you have to do this while you are in new york, take a deep breath, know where you are going before you head under, now, in between point A and point B, follow the signs on your short walk underground, once the next train shows up you’re still on the way.  it’s kind of like being stuck in your car while waiting for an above  ground train passes by except it’s  less boring.  if you’d rather not travel underground, there are other options.

oh, and take a lesson from new york when to comes to consumption.  people produce waste.  all life does and that’s just a thing we have to deal with, let’s do so responsibly.  carry a re-usable water bottle, walk or take public transit if you can, and recycle.  we can talk about minimizing your spending on products with exorbitant packaging and other neat tricks to be nice to our home another day.  for now, i need to sleep in my bed.  i will miss you train, just not enough to choose you over a plane next time.   yes, most definitely.  for a trip of this distance i would fancy a plane to a train or an automobile.

In the same car I met a lovely young girl from Germany.  She was at the last leg of her visit to the states.  She was touring the major cities here after an internship in San Francisco.  Being European, she was no stranger to public transportation, and being young, she was over flowing with hope.  It was adorable.  We spoke briefly and because she’s as smart as she is cute, she asked me to sign her memory book.  Once I did, she pulled out a glue stick and placed my promo postcard below it.  It was quite possibly the most satisfying moment of the entire journey.  In just 5 minutes, she thought me interesting enough to want to remember.  Most folks I spend 10 or even 30 minutes with forget I exist before the headliner gets on the stage.

Nothing against the folks in my car, but those two people saved the tail end of the trip.  I was going crazy with my car mates about 16 hours in.  I pride myself in being able to sleep most anywhere and for far too long at a time but I have limits.  2 seats ahead of me was this older gentleman with an uncanny ability to talk. And talk and talk and talk and talk and talk.  I was able to zone most of it out after a while because it was CONSTANT! He makes this trip by train once every 3 months to visit a doctor in New York.  He has cancer, which is terrible, however; after the first 10 hours of constant babble, there was a rumor on the train that his condition was life’s way of shutting him up.

He was in good company though.  Also along for the ride was a mid-west 6 with nothing to say but a whole lot of words to get her lack of message across.  She was headed to New York to occupy.  She is a college student/go-go dancer.  She’s out of work right now and unfortunately for her, there is no union for white girls with bad rhythm.  She’s doing the right thing.  Using her youth to stand up for something she believes in.  My only hope is that no one ask her for a interview as she also believes Disney is responsible for the sex education reform being lobbied in American.  She, like I, reinforces that good people are idiots.

Nearly as soon as I arrive into the city I high tailed it right out of it and into Jersey.  It’s quieter here.  People have cars they have trouble finding places to park and the population is certainly far denser than other parts of the US but not anywhere near the compact as Manhattan.

The NYC is a BIG fucking apple.  Really big.  Every street is covered in venders and even more so, marketing.  People move briskly in an extremely introverted manner going who knows where to see other people they likely despise and just maybe a few that they feel connected with.  It seems like it’s harder to find friends when you are stacked on top of each other the way folks are here.  There seems to be a tendency to stay to yourself out of fear of insulting someone with your thoughts.

Before this trip I thought a hike through the mountainside was the best way to remind yourself just how small you are.  Looking miles out into beauty will do that.  It makes it very clear that there is more to life than the shit you deal with in your day to day.  More than that, it is a very tangible reminder that even without human existence on our planet, this world is an extraordinary place.

As my train pulled into Penn Station I was again reminded just how small I am.  When I say small I of course in no way think gaining 50lbs would get me around this reality.  I simply mean that in one of the largest cities in the world where people avoid eye contact like Medusa is lurking around the corner waiting to turn them to stone its easy to remember that one person, no matter how great, in a sea of humanity is somewhat insignificant.

Now I am not having a pity party for myself.  I don’t feel any less conviction for what I do or whom I love, I simply felt without question that standing out in the crowd will serve to be a greater challenge than you realize in a small small town like the city of Indianapolis, IN.  At the same time, it was refreshing in a way.  Hundreds of thousands of people all stacked on top of each other.  Each with a different plans pulling them in different directions, every one in some small way affected by the other.

It is also very clear to see that the audience is built in.  They exist.  The challenge just lies in getting their attention.

One technique for doing this in New York is a strategy I use back home and nearly everywhere else.  I accost people on the street with far too much enthusiasm inviting them into a venue to watch a show.  In New York, they call this “barking”.  The name alone is demeaning but for whatever reason, I got it to work.  I was able to get 4 stoners, likewise in town to occupy, to come in off the street to see a show I wasn’t even on.  They of course showed up 2 minutes after the show was cancelled so to thank them for their time, I did a set.  It was ridiculous, but stage time is stage time.  More than that, I liked the kids and didn’t want to turn them away without a show.  9 and ½ minutes later, they prepared themselves a blunt and were on their way to Detroit, MI.  I thanked them for listening and urged them to stay away from the casino.  They agreed to stick to coasting through the suburbs partaking in illegal activities and promised they would enroll themselves in a trade school of some kind.  I am fairly certain they wont, mostly because they will forget after their first puff puff pass and right before they miss the exit.

After our far too casual attempt at comedy it was off to the next one.

One of the nicest things about a city of sardines is that nothing is more than 15 minutes away.  Even if you have 100 blocks to travel, with transportation under the ground, you can get there in a flash.  I only had a 10-minute walk separating me from my next destination so chose to eat up some time people watching on a bench, which flew by one yoga mat at a time. I finished my walk with room to be early for the next show.  At the bar a met a few really nice people from very different walks of life and we had a great deal of fun learning about one another and simultaneously causing concern for folks around me who thought they were witnessing a pregnant woman drinking bourbon.  It was awesome.  I love my “mammy pack” (see facebook, mobile uploads).  My new friends at the new venue were really great.  Both supportive of my journey and my plans to take over the world one hug at a time.  They were not however interested in a hug or attending the show in the basement of the bar they were already sitting it.  No big deal.  I’m sure they had a date with their TiVo or whatever else it is normal people do on a Wednesday night.  Either way, it was nice of them to use niceties (or was it? see being nice from a previous post from this very blog).

The set in the basement wasn’t terrible despite the lack of a working micro-phone and there being far too much light in the room.  I was asked if I minded going first.  I of course did but said no and attempted to gracefully follow the emcee that had so kindly opened the show with 8 minutes on his penis and masturbation habits.  Aside from the fact I don’t have a penis, I still found his material rather relatable and after 3 minutes a creative babble on fraggles the audience was receptive to the rest of my set.

With 2 nights and 3 sets remaining in my trip and am fairly certain comedy, at least at the bar level, is they same no matter where you are.  Still, there is something extremely respectable about comics who spend years grinding out sets in stale rooms devoid of any energy and over flowing with apathy.  It takes discipline, passion, endurance, and resolve.  You have to be stubborn to stick with it.  Perhaps even delusion.  No one really knows the key to success.  That’s what makes this different than a 9 to 5.  All any of us know is that we have to keep trying.  That it’s about more than being funny.  That even if we never make it we have to get on stage because with out the stage we can’t get ourselves out of bed in the morning.

I also feel like 4 days in New York will not be enough time to really learn anything I didn’t at least abstractly know going in.  There are too many relationships necessary to make real progress.  There is too much great food to sample.  Too much art too see.  And too few hours in a day, even in a city that never sleeps.  Additionally, its gained some appreciation for the audiences in the Mid-West.  Hearts are warmer when they are more spread out.  Minds are sometimes less open, but warmth goes a long way in a career fuel by politics and neurosis.  Mostly importantly, though, a dollar goes a lot further in the Mid-West. Almost as far as a laugh.  Moral of the story, if I am going to stand out in the crowd, I’m going to need some more dollars and some more punchlines.  The trick will be getting both of those things without anyone noticing as there is little the human race hates more than the obvious.  Whew, you guys…maybe I should have been a flight attendant after all.  Or maybe I should have taken my aunts advice when I was 11 and married a minister.  Let him do the talking while I make muffins and knit sweaters for the homeless.  Eh, never mind.  Comedy beats that.  Not by much, but it beats it none-the-less.

I am having a blast on the trip to NYC and I’m still on the train. I met a new friend on the bus to Chicago and we have been thick was theives. There was a 5 hour layover that flew by.
My new pal was traveling with luggage so we addressed that first. It was a pain, pack light, you’ll save yourself some trouble and some locker fees. 45 minutes later we were off to eat. We ventured from the station in hopes to find gold coast dogs. We got to their old location to see they had moved and replaced with a 7 11. That’s bootleg, not a fan. What I am a fan of is the amazing pizza we had. LouManati’s, some delicous pie. Yum. After we walked back to the station we discovered gold coast dogs was now underground and of course ate that too.
I was a little restless before we boarded. There were amish people everywhere. I was curious so I asked where they were going and don’t cha know, they weren’t together. Some were going to Ohio, some to Minnesota, mostly traveling for weddings. I imagine it’d be nice to bump into other amish if you are one. Like an outdated mixer without the dancing.
Elders and families boarded first which put me near last. Even with my “mammy pack” I decided to be kind and considerate, because of that decision I refuse to work out for the next month. I don’t want to become too glorious. I’m sure you understand.
The train isn’t a bad way to travel really. There is plenty of judging to do and they give you little pillows so you can rest your head to sleep. Its pretty sweet. I say that with 6 hours remaining on the trip so I’ll let you know if that statement needs amended.

I’ve been working on getting my shit together and now it’s time to get my blog back up.  If you’re one of the folks that hollard about me for being MIA, thank you for that. Sometimes its good to be missed. I am going to try really hard not to think about you taking your morning dump while reading this, even still, thanks.
I am hoping staying regular with my post will be made easier with my new phone. I finally broke up with sprint. I imagine it felt a lot like leaving a boyfriend that hits you. My only problem with verison is they, too, want me to pay them. It’ll be worth it cause I’ll get to type to you, ideally, not doing anything creepy.
I know its super lame to come back on a short post, so call me lame, its coming up on 5am. I’m not real good at it but I am a grown up. I’ll talk to you todayish…you’re on my desktop.
Hugs, CKM

PS. Name the game screen pictured in this blog for a cyber high five!

happy friday, guys.  i’m headed to the Indiana Historical Society for jokes at 8. you know where to find the details.  i may just do some of this after that!

Mushrooms Peppers Onion

consistently acquiring fresh whole vegetables is time consuming and costly.  as often as possible, no matter how busy you get, you should get yourself some good stuff.  in my past experience, a fresh food nutrient dump helps me sleep better at night and feel more rested in the day not to mention more alert.

this snack or pita filling comes together quickly.  there is one way to get around the cost, look for the magic manager special sticker.  in this case i cot a sweet discount on white mushrooms.  i had a small red onion at home so just needed a green peppers and i was headed home to prep my frugal fungi going into a turn.

medium high skillet coated with olive oil meets the chopped Pepper and Onion for 3 to 4 minutes when Mushroom enters the mix for another 2 to 3 minutes.  season as you wish (a garlic pepper grinder from your super market is mighty tasty).

CKM riding shame

notice kickstand...come to my shows...photo by charles i letbetter...keep reading!

so i got a new vehicle, all be it the nicest transport i’ve ever owned.  she’s a scooter named yellena whom i’ve decided to call shame for short.  shame because that’s what i used to buy said scoot.  in truth, her existence in my life is literally; practically amazing.

i ride shame as my primary transport for $6/week.  that’s incredible.  even more impressive is the wind against your chest when 35cc’s of raw power open up on college ave.  the day in your life you experience that kind of freedom. that thrill.  that confirmation of truly being alive.  that’s the day in your life you throw your turn signal up and yell through your helmet, “I AM A MUTHERDUCKIN’ GANGSTA!”

no…just me?  sure whatever but you’re really missing out.  sure the rain leaves you looking paint-balled, superficial injuries every once and a while are cheaper than a bus pass. how do you pass that up?

i feel required to point out, additionally that my new ride has absolutely no relationship with an instance of drinking and driving.   if that’s something you have a problem with, consider getting one. 1) if you have too many, you’re the only one that gets hurt. 2) the foot rest fits a six pack on it spendidly.    (safety tip: don’t ride a scooter during prime drunk driving hours. now you can’t sue me for stupid life choices, after all, i’ve made my own)

back to me being a thug.  there is nothing more ganster than getting ahead of the system.   in a time of increased oil prices and proposed increases of its tax; most have decided to spend less by doing less.  i for one still have shit to do and my shame insures i get to keep doing it.   i have also discovered several new games on my adventures with her thus far!

• dodge the pot-hole
• count the bug guts
• gasoline burns into breaths of happiness until we start moving again